Banking on ignorance

I received an email from a friend, who by the way I adore, who is sympathetic to the Tea Baggers, or as she likes to call them, the Tea Partiers. I did the one thing Tea Baggers hope no one will ever do: research their claims. First, the original email, followed by, well, without sounding condescending, the truth:

LET ME SEE IF I GOT THIS RIGHT.

IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD LABOR.

IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU ARE DETAINED INDEFINITELY.

IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU GET SHOT.

IF YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE JAILED.

IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU MAY NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN.

IF YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE BRANDED A SPY AND YOUR FATE WILL BE SEALED.

IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO POLITICAL PRISON TO ROT.

IF YOU CROSS THE U.S. BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET:

• A JOB ,
• A DRIVERS LICENSE,
• SOCIAL SECURITY CARD ,
• WELFARE,
• FOOD STAMPS,
• CREDIT CARDS,
• SUBSIDIZED RENT OR A LOAN TO BUY A HOUSE,
• FREE EDUCATION,
• FREE HEALTH CARE ,
• A LOBBYIST IN WASHINGTON
• BILLIONS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF PUBLIC DOCUMENTS PRINTED IN YOUR LANGUAGE
• THE RIGHT TO CARRY YOUR COUNTRY’S FLAG WHILE YOU PROTEST THAT YOU DON’T GET ENOUGH RESPECT
• AND, IN MANY INSTANCES, YOU CAN VOTE.

I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE I HAD A FIRM GRASP ON THE SITUATION

What Denny found ...

Let’s see how firm his grasp is. First of all, it seems like what he is saying is that North Korea, Iran and Afghanistan will be cool places to live because they shoot border brothers. Wow. Double Wow. Double Wow with Hand Slapping Forehead.

On to whatever he thinks he is grasping:

• Lie 1. Illegals can't vote. If anyone reads this email, believes it, and nods their head like a Sarah Palin bobble-head doll, they deserve to have their jobs taken away by a drunk Mexican. For the folks who were sniffing gasoline during their high school civics classes, only U.S. citizens can vote.
• Lie 2. Illegals are not issued Social Security cards by the Social Security Administration. Most SS cards presented by illegals are forged. Period. Oh, and a word about the forged cards, from the conservative San Diego Union-Tribune: Last year, contributions by illegal immigrants made up about 10 percent of the Social Security surplus – the difference between what the system takes in and what it doles out.
• Lie 3. Illegals get welfare. According to the Congressional Research Center: "FACTS: To the contrary, undocumented immigrants are not eligible to receive any "welfare" benefits and even legal immigrants are severely restricted in the benefits they can receive." Hey, I've always wanted to make stuff up and see if there are folks gullible to believe it. How about this: Sarah Palin got laid by a moose, actually two big bulls. She denied enjoying it. Really. It happened. Honest!
• Lie 4. Illegals get food stamps. A person who is not a citizen of the U.S. can not get food stamps. However, if there was a child born in the U.S., a parent could apply for food stamps for the child only. But a human born in the U.S. is a U.S. citizen, not an illegal. Source: Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program.
• Illegals can get credit cards. I'm not even going to research this. How did getting getting a credit card become a threat to democracy?
• Illegal immigrants get a free education: Yeah, something called the U.S. Constitution prevents us good ol' 'mericans from keeping kids out of schools. The Supreme Court ruled in Plyler v. Doe, 457 U.S. 202 (1982) that the state cannot refuse funding to educate children of illegal aliens. Hey, I have an idea, maybe the author of this email should declare himself an illegal alien, then he could get an education and might understand THE FUCKING CONSTITUTION!!!
• Lie 5. Illegal immigrants get subsidized rents. A federal regulation, which has existed since 1995, prohibits undocumented immigrants from receiving assistance in public housing developments or through Section 8, a federal program that provides help with monthly rents." Source: The Los Angeles Times
• “Illegal immigrants get billions of dollars worth of printing costs in their language.” So I guess all the millions of legal Americans that need help with languages are, as the rednecks say, shit outta luck. The Tea Baggers would have you believe the language materials are only for illegal immigrants. By the way, I needed to clean up the English of the author of the email so it wouldn't sound like my Uncle Otis wrote it.
• And finally (my personal favorite), “illegal immigrants have the right to carry their country's flag during protests.” Oh God where do I begin? First of all, only U.S. citizens have "rights" under the U.S. Constitution -- the document this Tea Bagger apparently wants to abolish. Illegals do not have the right of free speech or any other Constitutionally mandated right. As for the U.S. citizens who are brown and therefore encourage the wrath of the Tea Party, when they carry a flag other than Old Glory aren't they protected, even in unpopular speech, by the Constitution? You know, the same right that this author has to make things up and lie under the guise of fact?

The only word I can think of to describe the Tea Party and its unwitting legions: (sigh)